Birthday means nothing to me anymore..

To my mum :
Fmylife bitch, everything went wrong for me, everything.
Why must you depress me at this time, are you happy to see me cry
on my birthday? I really cannot control my feelings anymore.
This is the first time, my heart broke into really powder.
You say the things, that pierce deep deep through my heart,
made me more scare to everything, more protective, more untrusting,
you say the things made me reflect on my everything, my past,
my character, my mindset, my present state. You change it again.
I'm maturing step by step, taking in expriences, changing but in the wrong way.
Must you? Must you do this? WHY MUST YOU ? AT THIS TIME ?
AT THIS MOMENT ? FUCK. Always say must be happy on my birthday,
but you filled my heart with sadness. Everything is my wrong,
my wrong, ya my wrong. You all right, i got nothing to say.
I don't wanna see her, i really don't wanna see her. I'm afraid i'd
cry out and scold her shout at her. Alot of things really really came to my mind.